(Below is a fine guest-post from Joel, a friend to man and zebra alike):
Since the dawn of mankind, the question has been asked, "Can man beat zebra in a footrace?". The Fox network attempted to answer that question in the fall of 2003 when they pitted sprinter Steve Crawford against a Zebra in a 100-meter race. America watched, and held it's collective breath. The zebra won. And it seemed to us that the animal kingdom had our number... until now. For those of us who derive a kind of joy from watching a sumo wrestler body slam a grizzly bear, or a hobo box a kangaroo, there is still hope- in something called "genetic doping".
But let's start at the beginning. Unless you've been vacationing in a deep dark cave this summer, you're aware of the steroid scandal that has rocked Major League Baseball. Rafael Palmeiro, one of the game's greatest sluggers of all time, recently flunked his drug test. It is just the latest in a series of events that began with the release of Jose Canseco's tell-all book, "Juiced." Canseco fingered a number of major leaguers for steroid use, Palmeiro among them, leading to congressional hearings and calls for more stringent testing methods. Many baseball fans were left wondering who else will be caught under the new regulations, and debating whether Palmeiro should still be considered a viable candidate for the baseball hall of fame. But this current scandal is only the tip of the iceberg. There is a bigger, meatier, and insanely muscled problem on the horizon; genetic (DNA) doping.
Intended as gene therapy for disorders like muscular dystrophy, genetic doping transfers genes directly into a person's own DNA. There is no testing for this in place, and it's potential appears nearly unlimited. Charles Yesalis, professor of Health policy and administration at Pennsylvania State University, is quoted in the peer reviewed science journal, 'The Young Investigators': "Think of a characteristic that's valuable in a particular sport, think of how much or how little of it you need... it can be changed."
Need super strength? Want to beat a zebra in a footrace? Not a problem, evidently.
Eventually, there will likely be a way to test for this–or maybe they will just be able to pick out the 400 pound block of pure muscle in a line-up of regular looking athletes. But until the Fox network cares enough about the human race to start drug testing it's freak-shows, we can, at the very least, be assured hours of mindless, superhuman entertainment in the future.